A ‘shabby shit’ caravan described as suitable for dogging, sordid affairs and MURDER has racked up bids of more than £75,000 on eBay.
Lindsay Butcher posted the jokey advert for the grubby Elddis van after her husband, Lee, bought it for £50 in a drunken spending spree on the online auction site.
Lee secretly took the day off to drive halfway across the country to pick it up and hide it around the back of their office – all for a camping fridge he wanted from inside.
Three weeks later, Lindsay, using the username Linzhead, is trying to get rid of it.
She advertises it as a “rolling meth lab” – like something out of Breaking Bad – before apologising to “meth lab workers offended by this omission.”
The advert for the dirty vehicle featuring a grimy sofa, foggy windows, a broken toilet and a crumbling kitchen has already drawn more than 100 bids so far.
It went online on Thursday and bids rose from 99p to £75,500 in just seven hours.
Lindsay as a freebie, the lucky new owner can also pick up her ‘idiot husband’ from their home in Castle Ashby, Northants.
Lindsay, who runs Lemon and Lime website designs, said: “He bought it for a camping fridge which is gas powered and said to me ‘Think of the caravan as the packaging’.
“One day I went round the back of the office and there this caravan was. He said he thought he had told me.
“It is annoying as I actually want to sell it. I’d be happy with £150.
“It’s all completely true and it’s not the first time this sort of thing has happened.
“I need to get rid of it. I genuinely listed it so that someone would by it.
“Lots of people seem to want to by it but I’m not convinced that it will actually sell for that.”
No returns are accepted and it is cash on collection once it has sold in nine days time.
Lindsay’s description, which has had more than 47,000 views, reads: “Luckily, I’m the trusting type, and despite appearances I don’t think he bought it solely for the purpose of having a sordid extra-marital affair or taking up dogging, however as you might be able to see from the pictures, it would be PERFECT for both.
“Also pretty useful if you’re thinking of getting into murdering. I considered contacting the producers of The Fall to see if they wanted it for set dressing the next series – lets face it I’d sell my entire family for a chance to look upon Jamie Dornan with my real live eyes – but, well, life is short and ebay has been a good friend to me.
“Down to details – this caravan has four walls, a roof, wheels and an interior unmatched in modern times for what I like to call, shabby shit.
“When I discovered I / we now owned this abomination of a wheeled device, I briefly considered starting a fun project to convert it into something cool – covering it in glitter, wallpapering the walls with fur, doing demented Cath Kidston-esque upholstery and starting an ill advised business touring festivals selling tat etc. but I’ve got two children, a job, and an idiot husband to deal with and quite frankly, time is money so I’m not going to bother.
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t though.
“Think of the fun you could have in it whilst gazing out of the slightly tinted windows at rain-lashed Britain. Perhaps you could whittle a toilet for it out of the sad remains of your soul (there is a space for one).
“If I had a bigger garden (i.e. one where I couldn’t see this caravan) I’d let my children have it as a playhouse, but having been raised on an almost total visual diet of driftwood and White Company homewares I’m worried that they are simply far too middle class to tolerate the amount of beige laminate which makes up the interior.”
“Nothing a few coats of paint wouldn’t fix, but like I said – ABSOLUTELY NOT to be undertaken by anyone with small children, better things to do, or indeed, any reliable form of social life.
“On the other hand, if you’re the kind of person who likes to bake an egg inside an avocado, eat ‘clean’, sew bunting, create endless ironic pinterest boards of favourite beards and/or breton tops then this could well be just the ticket to while away those spare hours.
“This apparently tows well, (although you will need a light board), does not leak, and quite frankly if you’re in the market for a shit caravan – this is the one for you!
“Cash on collection, viewings welcome, no sex pests or weirdos, no refunds, absolutely no forward rolls.”
The auction ends on September 6 at 3.30pm.