Canning is an amazing invention, isn’t it? It might not seem like that big of a deal, but when you notice that the last slices of bread are getting fuzzy and the fridge is bare, remembering that there’s a mysterious tin or two at the back of the cupboard can mean that dinner is, literally, back on the table. It doesn’t matter when those cans came into existence; the food inside them has been suspended in time by a magical force, possibly indefinitely.
Okay, so maybe it’s science rather than magic, and maybe there is still a shelf life on most products. As explained by the canning specialists at Eurocan, canning basically involves processing foods in such a way that the potential for spoilage is virtually eliminated, before sealing them into an airtight container. Technically speaking, laminated vacuum pouches used for military meals and kids’ drinks undergo a canning process, even though there’s not a tin can in sight.
Anyway, when it comes to long-term preservation, it seems there is no limit to human creativity. Here are nine things that you would have never dreamed you could get in a can.
Just as a reminder, haggis is the Scottish “delicacy” of sheep’s innards (heart, liver and lungs, to be precise) mixed with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, stock and salt. Traditionally wrapped in a sheep stomach. In case this meal wasn’t already questionable enough, you can also get it in a tin (yes, it does look just like dog food).
- Edible insects.
You know when you’re feeling peckish for silkworms? No, me neither, because I’M NOT A REPTILE. However, if you do start feeling scalier than usual, a company called Thailand Unique offers just about every creepy crawly imaginable in a can, preserved for your dining pleasure. What I find particularly interesting is that eating insects is only really a ‘thing’ in the very northern parts of Thailand and is treated like a novelty everywhere else. Can someone explain to me who exactly is winning here?
- Pork Brains.
What I find particularly interesting about this product is that someone was responsible for deciding that “pork brains” sounds marginally better than “pig brains”. Admittedly, that isn’t really interesting at all, but I’m sort of clinging on to anything that means I don’t have to think too hard about the pork brains in a can.
Yours for just $17.10 (Source: Amazon)
- Swiss Cannabis Ice Tea.
Iced tea Swiss what now? Yep, you read that right. Hemp fans can buy cans of Swiss Cannabis Ice Tea from shops and vending machines around the country completely legally. Although, don’t get too excited – the reason it’s got the green light (pun intended) is because the drink doesn’t contain any THC (the active chemicals that get you high). Instead, it’s a sugary, lemony, novelty beverage with a little bit of hemp-flavoured syrup.
Brits reading this will probably be familiar with SPAM. Well, Treet is its cousin from across the pond. Introduced by food manufacturer Armour in 1939, this “meat” product is made from chicken and pork, ground up to a similar consistency as Wiener sausages. The part that really tickled me was the name – “Armour Treet”? I highly doubt you are.
- Fish Assholes.
For the first time in my life (and I hope the only time), I find myself questioning what a fish asshole looks like, and how much effort it possibly takes to fill an entire can with them… but I don’t think I want that kind of thing in my search history. Let’s move on.
Yummy. (Source: Ranker, via Tumblr)
- A whole chicken in a can.
I know what you’re thinking. “Chicken? That’s by far the most NORMAL thing on this list! After weed tea and fish butts, I definitely could have imagined that being in a can”. Sure, but I’ll bet you didn’t think it would come out looking like this (warning: not suitable for life). How is that even food? If that’s what the apocalypse diet looks like, count me out.
- Pancake drink
Obviously, no list of weird things would be complete without an entry from Japan. If whipping out a frying pan and taking five minutes to whip up actual pancakes sounds like a chore, look out for a Morinaga “Hot Cake” drink at your nearest vending machine. Apparently, it’s sweet and syrupy – perfect at first sip, but cloying and sickly soon after.
- Green crocodile curry
I mean, maybe this makes more sense in countries where crocodiles are relatively abundant, but over in the UK it seems exotic to be serving this kind of meat at all, let alone in a can. Apparently, croc is pretty low in fat and cholesterol-free and, besides, it helps to reassure those consuming it that we are still at the top of the food chain. Still…
I think the only lesson we can take from this is just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.