Reader question: I have a horrible gut feeling that my boyfriend of six years is being unfaithful. But, how can I tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?
Have you ever had that sinking gut feeling that your boyfriend is cheating on you? According to a survey, 45% of men in the UK have admitted to cheating on their partner at least once in their life. But how do you know if it’s happening to you?
Of course, the signs of cheating look different in every relationship. But according to feedback from victims of love-rats, these are the tell-tale signs you should look out for if you think your boyfriend is going behind your back.
My boyfriend is being secretive with his phone – is he cheating on me?
It might seem unnecessary or weird to know your partners phone password, but 70% of couples like the idea.
Although you have absolutely no right to have access to your partner’s phone, some people do it to help them feel more comfortable in their relationship.
If you and your boyfriend don’t do this it doesn’t mean he is automatically guilty.
However, obsessive and constant covering of the screen – along with erratic behaviour – could trigger alarm bells.
He might be cheating if he refuses to let you use his phone when it really makes sense. Or if he appears to move away from you to answer messages.
Ask yourself – why is he so paranoid about his phone and what has he got to hide?
Does being awkward on a night out mean he’s cheating on me?
If you notice your partner is acting a bit off on a night out, it could be he’s cheating.
Some men do this if you are in the same place as someone he’s had a fling with.
Not all couples are fans of PDA. But if your boyfriend is being noticeably awkward, it might be because he is worried about being found out.
Often the ‘other woman’ will have no idea the man they’ve fooled around with had a girlfriend.
A calculated cheater will make every effort to keep it that way.
Alternatively, women who know they’re grafting someone’s man may want to expose him. Your man will do everything he can to prevent provoking that scenario.
This includes being awkward, distant and unaffectionate, so watch out ladies!
We’re having intimacy issues – is my boyfriend cheating on me?
There are tons of reasons your boyfriend is holding back in the bedroom, and the first thing you should do is talk about it.
But one reason could be they’re feeling guilty about promiscuous behaviour elsewhere.
Alternatively, if sex is a big part of your relationship, and things suddenly change, it could be a sign that your boyfriend may be finding sexual fulfilment elsewhere.
Don’t forget, his dip in sex drive could be attributed to numerous other factors. But it’s certainly one to be wary about.
I caught my boyfriend lying – is this a sign he’s cheating?
Trust is the bedrock of a strong relationship. This is arguably the most common indication that your boyfriend is cheating on you.
If his behaviour and dialogue becomes increasingly suspicious, you should speak to him.
If you find yourself catching him telling small fibs, this strongly suggests he has something bigger to hide.
He could be fibbing about places he has been, or the time he was home.
Dishonesty goes hand in hand with unfaithfulness and is a trait that comes naturally to serial cheaters.
As soon as you detect lies, it is essential that you confront your partner immediately. Ignoring this is the worst thing you can do!
Your boyfriend may have a totally plausible explanation, but you need to get to the bottom of it, if there’s something he is keeping from you. This could jeopardise your relationship.
My boyfriend isn’t talking to me as much – how can I tell if he’s cheating on me?
It is unhealthy for couples to suffocate each other and bombard each other with messages 24 hours a day.
You may be a couple, but you are also individuals. It’s important and healthy to have your own space.
However, if his behaviour is abnormal at certain times, it’s bound to raise suspicion. For instance, if he is a prolific texter, but suddenly hits you with radio silence.
If your finding it hard to get a response out of your boyfriend when he is on a boys’ night out, he’s likely just too out of it to respond. He might just be enjoying time with his mates (nobody wants to hang out with somebody who is constantly on their phone). This is not a hanging offence!
However, consistent radio silence and a lack of desire to keep up communication levels can suggest your partner is up to no good.
My boyfriend suddenly cares about his appearance – is he cheating on me?
Does your boyfriend normally lounge around in tracksuit bottoms? Grows his pubic region al-a-1970? Goes to the shops in slippers?
Then suddenly he has started looking dapper, smelling like Chanel No. 5, and has pubic hair that you could only imagine on Christiano Ronaldo. Perhaps your partner has suddenly started exercising and eating healthier?
All of these things could be a sign that they are trying to appear more attractive to someone. It could possibly be for you. Alternatively, it could well be for someone else.
The biggest giveaway is if your boyfriend looks the same around you, but significantly better when he heads out to socialise away from you. This is normal, but not if it’s a far cry from his normal/previous behaviour.
Friends are acting strange – does this mean my boyfriend is cheating on me?
Sadly, you can often be the last to know when your partner is being unfaithful. It’s not unusual for your partner’s friends and confidants to be in on the deception. Even your own friends may have an idea, but are too worried to tell you (or think it’s none of their business).
If his friends suddenly seem distant or are acting differently towards you, this could be an indication that something is going on at his end.
Tread carefully. If you confront the friends, you do risk looking a bit crazy. But often their reaction will tell you all you need to know.
My boyfriend is suddenly nasty to me – is he cheating?
Like anyone who does something devious, they tend to justify their behaviour in their own mind.
The easiest way to do this is to shift the blame for their cheating onto you.
If they are suddenly running you down constantly, telling you you’ve changed, that you don’t appreciated them, or you’re no longer making an effort in the bedroom – it could be self-justification that they deserve to have fun elsewhere.
My boyfriend is suddenly busy all the time – is he having an affair?
If your fella’s schedule suddenly changes into something significantly different, this could tell you that he has someone else in his life.
Of course, this isn’t necessarily the case if he has a new demanding job, or he has taken up a new hobby. But if there are no major life changes to speak of, and he’s suddenly off the radar a lot, he might have somebody else vying for his time.
I have a gut feeling my boyfriend is cheating on me – should I trust my instinct?
Someone once told me to ‘trust your gut instinct‘.
Unfortunately I ignored that advice when I was head over heels in love with someone, but had a niggling feeling they were being unfaithful.
I put my gut feeling down to paranoia. But low and behold, years later I discovered that I was right all along. It turned out they had been a serial cheater. All those times I had a ‘funny feeling in my stomach’, I was right.
Despite the lies and the deception, sometimes your gut feeling will tell you everything you need to know.
So how can I tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?
In conclusion, if any or all of these sound familiar – your boyfriend might be cheating on you:
- He is secretive with his phone or computer
- He is acting strangely towards me on a night out
- Things are suddenly dead in bed
- He’s lying to me about other things
- We’ve stopped communicating
- He suddenly cares about his appearance more than usual
- His friends are acting strange towards me
- He’s suddenly started being nasty to me
- My boyfriend is suddenly busy all the time
- I have a strong gut feeling he is being unfaithful
It’s important not to jump to conclusions, and make sure you give him a healthy amount of space to be himself. You don’t own him, and if he falls out of love with you, that’s fair enough. But if you have genuine concerns, speak to him and encourage honesty – but most of all, trust your gut instincts.
Featured image and main image by Pxfuel.com. Words by Harrison Moore